hi . its been so long so err .. i cannot tahan already with my feelings all . hais . ); i wish someone knew i was not okay by looking through my eyes . cos im tired of pretending to be ok all this while . im not ok . why ? idk lah . once again , i feel that im useless . i saw a group of family , people posting stuffs abt family in fb . yes , i am jealous . i am fucking jealous ok . as i was thinking abt my past , my perfect times , i feel that i was the reason why my parents divorce . i think i am the fault . im so sad . yes , crying now . i've yet to slp and its 0605 am . hais . its been a year since i last met my mum . its sad to know that she is perfectly fine and ok without me while im so depressed and cant let go of the past cos i love her so much . im so ashamed of my family . even my bf's family is not like mine . his family is perfectly fine . why do i have to think abt it again ? why must everyone keep reminding me abt family indirectly through fb ? why do a guy like hadi exist ? knowing that he knows my family background and he have the heart to spread around about it . why cant i frgt the past ? why are humans nowadays fucked mentally ? why ?! why do they think that relationship is the main thing about teenage life ? being so heartbroken and depress about "TEENAGE LOVE" ? at least they have a complete family right ? who is there for them ? who never come and go like humans who is a stranger became friends to bestfriends to boyfriend and they only have one heart , and why do some guys think that they can fix millions of girls hearts ? why ? family is always there . guys come and go to me . friends too . but at least i hae sheetal , christal , joey , sharmin and some others TRUE FRIENDS . unlike nadya and the other biatches *no offense* . like srsly why cant i hv a complete family ? why can other ppl ? )': i am fucking jealous ok . very fucking jealous . if i had a chance , i would be alr dead but cos of some people , i knw that i love them , i dont have the heart to leave everything just like that . seriously , im so sad . i wish there is someone who can give me a hug , some advices , give me some tissues ? to wipe my tears not to expand my boobs size oh please . -.- hais i wish , someone rlly understands me . i wish thr is someone who knows , i am smiling but when they look into my eyes , i am a different person . yes i am a cheerful girl . i USED to be a very bubbly girl . thats when i was in pri sch . now ? no . im not . ppl call me emo and stuffs . yes , that hurts me too cos it simply means that they can see im changing . from a cheerful girl to a one emo shit . to be honest , im not emo . im just sad . sad for some reasons not because of "TEENAGE LOVE" okay . -.- sad cos of my family . it is screwed . im embarrassed cos my life is empty . i wish i can rewind the time when my mum was around , when i was so young and not looking into a relationship . i wish i had a mum , who loves and cares for me sincerely . thats all . k im done . 0620 , whatsapp-ed bf , guess i shall try to slp . bye . :D (: |: \: ): D: T^T I AM FUCKING SAD ! BYE .
