I only exist when YOU NEED SOMETHING FROM ME _|_

people nowadays -.- they only ask you fr help and shit only when they need something from you . ahaha this type of people , tsk2 wake up uh , im not a servant k . ahahaha k bye kiss my TOE !

I'm forever sad girl T^T

i never did forget you . ): you left me , you promised you would return back but no , you didn't . haishh . you told my dad , i've changed , yeah maybe . but you were the one who changed first . its like , yaa really , what do you actually want ? you left us and expect us to find you during hari raya , how is tt gonna happen ? eh , i miss you and how i wish you know that . its diff okay , hari raya without you . its really sad okay . everywhr i go , i see fam with their baju kurung , all same color , so damn cute and yes im jealous , VERY ! ): remember that bear you bought for me when i was in pri 6 ? when i really love the color yellow as it resembles happy to me ? i used to be cheerful , happy girl . but see what happen to me now . i've turned into someone who cries almost everyday , thinking , wondering if we will ever meet again , whether you even remember me , your own child . D'; because of you , im ashamed of my life because its simply , empty . )'x i wish you are here with me now . i seriously would want to hug you , i miss you alot alot alot ! do you even know how you make me feel ? i was hoping to meet you this year , but infact , no , we didnt </3 haish someone , help me , how am i gonna forget the past and move on happily ?! can i ever be happy again ?! :'/ haiishhh </////////////////////3
- ; // sadlife T^T

And it hurts so bad not having YOU here . T^T

hi . ): as usual , im a foreversadgirl97@hotmail.com ): haish .. that feelings when you really miss someone so much from your life . the one who is related to you , left you . the one who took care of you for years , 9 months is the most painful one . the one who you thought would always be there for you but things change . the one who has the best cooking for you . the one who feeds you when you were sick . the one who is very patient to teach you how to walk when you dont even know how to walk nor stand still . the one who you talk back to when they nag at you . the one who suddenly change their mind , and do things that make you fall into pieces . the one who you says you hate , you dont wanna meet yet you love them , hard to forget , the one who you miss so damn much in your life . yeah that person , used to be there for me . i wonder if im going to meet that person tomorrow . its like , really damn fucking sad to the max to the core when you actually force yourself to be happy infront of others , but behind everyone , you shed tear , till your eyes looks somehow swollen , you scream , till you get sore throat or even lost your voice , you do things that hurt yourself , till people have bad impression of you . its really really sad you know )': i've always wish that i have a simple , normal , HAPPY life . thats all . but everything is all gone . its like , sorrows have take over me . and i feel sad everyday , every hour , every minute , every second , thinking about the past . i wish someone can help me forget everything in the past just so that i can at least start anew HAPPY life . infact , sorrows took over me , i dont even know what it feels like to be happy . im only happy when i have my someone , my only one , Muhammad Syahdirwan Bin Jumari . yes him , he never fail to make me laugh like a mad girl when i dont even want to smile . i love him and he should know that . frankly speaking , i feel jealous looking at people who has a perfect complete family . my eyes will somehow filled with water and sometimes , i cant even hold on to it , but i have to pretend as though my eyes are itchy . haish >: why must these things happen to me ? why does these things keep revolving around my eyes ? WHY WHY ?! D''''; the only thing i want in life is HAPPINESS . but what is this ?! )': haiyomah ~ life is so straightforward yet people make things complicated and UNFAIR ! how can i possibly be normal if i can never be happy again ?! i used to be damn fucking happy but look what happen to me now . people call me emotional and whatever shit but no . i just cant be happy anymore . i dont feel anything great in life . i think im useless . im always the main problem . im so sorry to always be like this all the time . haishh . i diedie wanna apologize to that person who is related to me ya know ): like last year , september , hari raya , the time when that person want to leave , my eyes turned read , i shed a tear , that person bend down , hugged me , and we both cried . haishh . how i wish my life is normal , like those other people . i dont want hari raya because , i dont need money actually . the main thing for hari raya is when your family gather , spend time together and all . haish im so fucking sad like ya . i wish someone can just stab my heart <///////////////////////////////3 i dont wanna live no more , crying , thinking about the past that makes me hurt myself . im sick and tired of living without family love . and obviously , when one party in the family is missing , it is not called a COMPLETE FAMILY . ): some people should really bersyukur kepada tuhan that they have a complete family and they should cherish it . but some people , dont even cherish it nor bersyukur man wth right ! im dying to have a complete family ahhhhhhhhhhh k bye ah haish </3 >':

Thanks

eh hi . thanks eh aku batal puase eh . ah k da puas ? ape lg kau nak ? da ah bye .

Jealous looking at people who have a complete family )':

Hi . its been so long since i posted a new post like oh yeah baybehhh ~ ahehe . so ermm .. i've been crying these few days cause ........ i saw my mum ytd . she's currently working at pasar malam like omg , i've been walking there quite a number of times but yesterday was the only day i saw her . im so sad ): i miss her so much you know ! uhmm cause she left me when i just got my psle results ? like yeeeaaahh ..... so here's how the story starts , my parents , me and my father's best friend were at m'sia condo . they went to swimming at the condo there then i was kinda okay uh but right aft i check my mum's phone , her inbox , i was damn shock and downtrodden . i showed my 2nd bro the convo of my mum and my dad's best friend , ah teng , they confess to each other . how can a mother do this to us like seriously ? what is not enough ? i know im not good enough . im not a good daughter . but why must she do this to us actually ? )': then aft that my grandmother came in my room , asking me why im crying and she saw me holding my mum's phone . so she asked me why but i say nothing i want to go back to sg . then as my parents came back with that ah teng , my mum asked me why am i crying and asked my 2nd bro as well . but the both of us told her we want to go back to sg . but my grandmother , she told my mum i wasa crying while i was holding my mum's phone . and then my mum got mad , me and my bro somehow disrespected her by answering her in a harsh way . not long aft , my dad called me and indra out for a talk . then we both got scolded but yeeaah , because of nothing . how awesome can it be ? just because we dont want to see our parents divorce , we didnt say anyth abt mum . we kept everyth to ourselves . and from that day onwards , i started to disrespect ah teng , including my mum . you know the feelings when you follow your mum to the mall and she wanted to get something , a wallet and a ring and she said she want to give it to dad but you saw those things is with someone else , which is your own father's best friend ? like fuck right ? )': then i kept those things i think about for few weeks or maybe a month . then one day , we went to karaoke at m'sia then at night we went to this coffee shop with a somehow stage for anyone to come up to sing which is located nearby our condo and its like , my mum is always with her phone texting someone then ah teng asked me if i want him to teach me how dj usually work then i told him to shut up . he said "sampai hati tasya bobal nan uncle macam gini" then i reply , "yer , sampai hati uncle buat keluarge tasya gini ! " *eyes filled with tears , roll eyes* then my mum brought me inside the coffee shop , we were seated on the sofa and she was still texting , so yeah my dad thought that she care to text more than me so he went in to check who she was actually texting with . then my mum quickly delete every single msgs before my dad could actually snatch her phone . he asked my mum whr has all of the msgs gone to and they started to shout at each other , quarreling , arguing IN PUBLIC ! you know how embarrassing it is ?! :/ then my dad misunderstood , he thought my mum was contacting with his other friend , but no , its ah teng . my dad screamed , asking me to follow him back home then off to sg . then i stopped infront of my mum , crying . my mum told me to stay but my dad came and asked me to follow him , so yeah . we went to condo and took everyth . we went back to the coffee shop , that stupid ah teng step good2 only padahal 2 faced ccb _|_ then my dad wind down the window , asked my mum , if she think her current boyfriend is more important or *finger pointing at me * then she asked for her passport so my dad had to gv it to her . i was crying like some mad girl , till my eyes were swollen then my mum PROMISED that she would return back . so i TRUSTED her . as we reached at sg , my bro asked why mum is not arnd so i told him everyth then my bro asked me to tell my dad the whole story , the truth so i do as he say . waited for my mum to return back , but not even her nose were seen . only her presence </3 *sigh* sadlife right ? i know ): haiss .. then when i saw her ytd , she like not happy sia when she see me . she quickly turn away when she saw me and im like so sad . >: i wish i could hug her , have her back , but no , i know i cant )'x im so so so so so sad . and thats why , sometimes , i keep quiet suddenly because all this things snapped my brains and i was thinking , wondering , why is this things happening to me and do i really deserve all this . haiss .. <///////////////3

OHIMJUSTWONDERING (; ♥

harro ! :D hehehehe you know what ?! i lurp my boyprrrrrrrrren like HELLYEAH meowmeow >.< hehehehe ! i miss him like damn much cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ?! teehee xP why is he so damn effing cute like ohhhhhhhh ammmmmmm geeeeeeeeeeeeeee ?!?!?!?! bwahahaha ~ okay so now , i feel soooooooo soooooooooo soooooooooooooooo weird . LOL ! reading those love letters which he gave made me smile and laugh myself for no reason and make other people think im crazzehhhh . its like yes im happy . and at the same time , im just wondering .................................... if i actually deserve those things i've been wanting and waiting for so long , and finally , i got them . but suddenly , the feelings when i feel that im not good enough for him . and i know that he deserve someone better . you know that feeling ? yeah it sucks ttmttc . but despite all that , i just want my boyfriend to know that , i love him very very the muchie and i miss him very very the muchie okiie . <: and nobody , N-O-B-O-D-Y has EVER made me feel the way HE do . therefore , i wouldn't want to lose him , ever . haish .. okay now , i know im not good enough but yeah i hope he love me the way i am . oh anw , i may be apologizing a lot of times its just because i'd choose to stay where i am with you rather than my ego . okay thats all i can say . sayonaraaaa mr moustachey meowmeow purrrrrrrrr ~