Like wowoweee ~ ♥

Alohaaaa ~ hahahahaha . ayee , me and my bf okay alr i iz zo happehhhh meowmeow ! >.< lolololol he's so cutee gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah >:B Watashi wa anata o aishite imasu Muhammad Syahdirwan Bin Jumari ♥♥♥♥♥ hehehehh okay now , its really shocking , my used to be damn close sisters , nadya , sheetal , iffah , diyanah & liza now are quite okay with me . diyanah asked me when i'll be seating with them during recess and im like , heart attack lehhhhhh ! so sudden LOL seriously . its damnnnnnn awkward cause we've fought fr kinda long and suddenly , they're okay with me . suddenly , that time , aft D&T , liza was alone as nadya didnt attend sch , liza told me she wanna talk to me if i have the time so yeah , she A-P-O-L-O-G-I-Z-E-D . like WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW !? hahahaahhahaah and sheetal now is kinda close with me , we kept tickling each other and all . but but but , i wonder , whyyyyyyyyyyy is this sooooooooo sudden O.o i feel so awkward . HAHAHAHAHA . REALLEHHH ! im serious hahahha . like MARVELOUS-O ! heheheheh . omg im so happehh meow purrpurr ~ (=^.^=) hahahahaha happygirlforever97@hotmail.com xP cheh lol step only ah ! HAHAHAHA . oh yes , my studies have been going up up and awayyyy ~ no lah , like , improve uh . and im lovin` it ~ x{D hehehe . imma hangout with my chinese friends to study more often . i wanna go temasek polyyyyyyyyy like oh yeah oh yeah oh yeaaah , heyyyyyyyyyyyy ! weeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaawoooooooooo ! hahaha anyhoo , i didnt went to sch today . i overslept and i was damn tired and lazy and yeah yeah yeah ~ :p hahahahahaa okay laah , today got oral , i'll be gg to sch later in the afternoon HAHAHAHA . yey i suck at oral . omg at least , i wish i pass ahahaha ok can sayonaraaaaaaaaa ~ :{D  

It's hard to tell people how i really feel . That's why , i prefer to keep things to myself :'/

ouch . :'/ it really hurts when you try to hold on your tears because of something and someone . i look damn ugly . i've never look pretty . NEVER . you imagine you sent a long inbox to someone but in the end , they reply a fucking short line like as if they dont even care . you know , i am a hardcore bitch who listens to hardcore songs . but that doesnt mean im strong inside . im weak , really . i cry a lot . because of everything i've been through . everything my parents did , was infront of me . how my exs cheated on me . made me lost so much trusts in guys . but despite all that , i really love my bf , obviously . my mum left me and my dad used to not care abt me so much as he actually pays more attention to other filipino girls than his kids . he almost left all of us on december this yr to go to phillipines to stay thr but luckily , my bro had to go to NS so my dad cant possibly leave me alone . my exs ? LOL ask me personally abt them okay ? and i'll answer . but dont mind me crying . im so emotional )': HAHAAHAH seriously !~ :/ haissh ok im zo zad tonight we've been quarreling2 arguing2 haiyooooooh D'x tsk ! sayonaraaaaaaaaaa ~ :/

I miss somebodeh ~ :'/

hi wall . i love you wall . omg you're always here when i need you . im so sad now even though im smiling , im so so so damn effing sad . its been 2 days being so cold . i miss my boyfriend very vely verreh much . but idk whether he misses me too . well , maybe i'll consider it as a NO . i kept quiet , i pretend everything was all fine . in fb and everywhr but , to be honest , im really sad . imagine the only person who can make you happy , is not around , and you feel damn sad , damn cold and speechless . doesn't mean i didnt text/call him means i've alr frgt abt him , NO , NEVER WILL . i love him so much even though we quarrel and argue so much . and im wondering if he love , as much as i do . but its okay , im not like other girls , i know . im not pretty , im not smart , my family is broken into pieces and im so fucked . i can never make anyone happy anymore right ? i usually make people angry , sad . im so useless right ? why do i exist like , SERIOUSLY ? i can never make him happy like how i used to , when he was at his lowest right ? i miss those times we both shared each others feelings . we actually made each other smile by cheering each other up . and its like , we both understand each other so much . i miss those times when we take a walk every night , telling stories about each other's life , when he swept off my feet , when he gave me the first kiss that night before sportsday , when he held my hands at changi , when he lend me his shoulder in the bus when i was really tired , when he never fail to send me long messages the first thing in the morning and last thing every night before we turn in , when he look for me when he need to talk to someone . i miss all those friggin much omgggg )'x we both seems happier together before in a r/s . why everything turn out this way , now ? )': we seem to be drifting apart . i dont feel his love anymore . why ? :'/ omg i miss you Muhammad Syahdirwan Bin Jumari Dx i cant get you off my mind b . please , why are we always quarreling and arguing ? i don't like ): i want the old us , we used to be so happy together when im into you . when you got over nadya , when the only girl you wnt and can make you happy is me . is thr any other girl who can replace me ? take over my position now ? if thr is , and you're happier with her , more satisfy , and you think she deserves you , go for her . im happy if you're happy . the only thing i want you to have in life is happiness . i dont want things to turn out even worse . thats why , i think , there's other girls out thr is way btr than me . and yes , you deserve better dont you ? i suck at love right ? even if thr is any girl out thr , who's going to be yours next , or you fell for , im always here for you and i love you , never will i love anyone else out thr as much as i love you b . ♥ 

I've no words to say , since YESTERDAY . thanks to you (:

Alohaaaaaaaaaa !~ :D lolololololol you know yesterday , 22 07 2011 , i somehow fought with my bf . from morning till today , 23 07 2011 , we've not talk . * controlling the urge of texting/calling him * URGHHH ~ very hard you know ! LOL . sometimes he joke around , yeah but what he say , can kill me , seriously . sorry uh if i cant take jokes . but thr's a limit ok ? k best . and whatever you said yesterday did , left me unspoken . i didn't text nor call or even talk to you neither look at you . not because of anything , just that , i need to calm myself down cause i dont wanna be the one who say things and will leave you unspoken just like you did . so yeah , feel me ? no right ? k nehmind , im used to all this . i can never be perfect . im not always happy . but with you , everything seems to be alright . i didn't know words can kill me . omg i miss my somebodeh ): haiyaah ~ i've not eaten since yesterday . im not hungry at all . but my tummy hurts a lot since yesterday morning . that's why im so damn fucked up yesterday . i feel so insecure . I SUCK AT LOVE , DON'T I ?! i know . other girls out thr is always better than me . im so tired of life . VERY . idk why i exist . i hurt people , always and i dont deserve to live . im useless right ? so yeah ~ he deserve someone better than me . i suck at love , life and EVERYTHING ! im never gonna be as how i used to , happy , cheerful . i miss my old me . and i do , miss him , THE OLD HIM . when he fell for me , chased after me , when he never fail to make me feel not lonely , when there's no other girls in his mind , only me . when he's always there without me knowing until my friends have to tell me he's here and there watching me .  i miss the night when he first kissed me , hug me and during sportsday , he shouted my name when i ran for 4x100m . i miss all those because , i feel like im the only one who can make him happy . now it seems like i cant make anyone happy anymore . i always make people sad . we often quarrel for small matters because of me . i miss him now . and i guess , im not gonna eat today . lost appetite since yesterday till now . like yeah ~ okay bye :/ haish ..

I'm tired , very :|

idk why or what but lets make it short and simple , im tired of life . okay ? k thanks im so sad like idk why also but then again , im really sad . LOL fuck la thats it lah bye .

F-A-I-L-baby-F-A-I-L :p ♥

Halo :D heheheh its 1230 again like WOW . ahhaha WOW . okay im so damn tired and sleepy today . okay so now , you see that picha above thr ? ya that ? hahahahahaha its for my one and only boyprrrrrrrrrrrrren Muhammad Syahdirwan Bin Jumari :B heheheh you know why ? cause today i went to meet rachel at adm to go to yishun . we wanted to go to cinelesure then hor at yishun go pastamania , left pastamania at arnd 6 . then we went to this shop , cause i wan get my tube . lol then aft that horr , we take bus then go cwp to buy my SOMETHING . then then then , we walk2 at cwp fr awhile , go see perfume & makeup then want go home lor . when i was on my way , in 912 with rachel , i reaching 888 , my bro text me ask me whr am i . then i say i otw home . then as i got out of the bus , i was walking home , alr cross zebra crossing then indra call me . he said syahdirwan was with him . he asked me to go thr meet syahdirwan . then i had too walk back to 888 laah hor . then my bro told me syahdirwan came to my hs , wanted to gv a suprise , at 5++ but i wasnt at home . THEN IM LIKE , I DONT BELIEVE , DONT LIE TO MEH HORRRR :B then then , he said , serious , ask aunty if dont believe . then i like , HAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHA SO CUTE >.< i love my bf lol pity him leh ! he late fr sch because of me then hor , come my hs to find me but i not around so sad life for him hor xD luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul . okay lah thats all fr todayyyyyyyyy . imma turn in alr . later late agn fr sch dady veryth noisy xP lol hehe ok bai . see ya tmr babyku cute mute , mr syahdirwan jumari , aka mr lembut :p hahahahaha bye i lurp chew very , verreh , belly , belleh the much ttmttc . ♥ ♥ ♥

Late for school xP

oh hello . i didnt go school today loooooooooooool . cause i slept quite late ytd , waiting for that someone to at least reply or text laa horr . i woke up late , at 7am when i heard my bro knocking on my room door . he unlock th door then told me my bf is waiting for me outside the house . then like oh am geeeee ! late alr . sanggup die datang depan rumah nak amek aku walaupun da lambat . i feel like im so bad sia . then i still sad he nvr reply my msg so i say i duwan go sch . tell him go . i sad sio ! what if he's late ? because of me ? :/ noooooooooo omggggggg whyyyyyyyyyy ): i miss him please ): i want him now please . ): haiyooooooo ~ :/ im zo zad lah okai bye Dx

Maybe when I stop speaking , then you will start noticing . :/

Haluuuu ~ okai this is meh . i just shower like oh WOW ! >.< lolololol it's 12:30am and im sleepy yet still awake . you know why ? cause im waiting for my boyfriend to reply my text . waaah like fun liddat ah wait for someone to reply a text . people call also duwan answer . so sad you know ): why must we always like this ? can we be more like last time ? i miss the old 'us' :/ i miss the old me and the old him . i miss those times when i know i feel i see that im the only girl that can satisfy him , make him happy and so on . but now , it seems like im making things change . we often argue because of small matter and also , i usually make him sad . i dont like to see him sad ): i feel sadder when he's sad ): i miss those times when we dont care whr or when thr is a lot of people around us yet we're holding hands , teasing each other , look into each other's eyes when we're talking . i feel so different now . why ? :'/ i dont want like this one . i so sad . i waited for his text since just now . but its okay , its getting late . i've got science test tmr plus he got N lvl oral , so yeah , goodluck baby . i iz zo zad Dx whyyyyyyy ?!?!!?! idfk urgh )x maybe the only thing i should do now is to stop speaking so that he'll notice . :/ but not talking to him kills me laah okay </3 to be honest , i seriously miss him , miss being like how we were last time and i miss myself . idk why , thing change . something's not right . but i hope things won't repeat again like how it have been repeating throughout my entire life . my first sec sch ex was someone who's in 3n1'2011 , okai , he cheated on me . here it goes , when i was in sec 1 , i entered fuchun , i saw him , love at first sight . then , he winked . i was extremely shocked ttmttc . then in fb we were so damn close . and thr is this guy , iskandar , from fuchun also , he said zam wants my num . but i didnt know his name was zam so i said anything . then zam text me . he's sweet talks made me fall for him . he told me he was single , and we got even closer and closer . and one day , he asked me for steady uh horr . then i said lemmie think abt it . the next day onwards , i found out he got a gf , raihana , 3n1'2011 . then i felt damn guilty cause i didnt know . and i was in between . we both found out , zam also contacting with some other girls from other sch . then i told my friends and broke into tears . i was damn friggin sad , the feeling when someone timer , cheated your feelings , you put high hopes , yet that someone just broke you into pieces and you fell . so , they broke up and i left him . thus , from that day on , things seems to be repeating over and over . i regret loving guys and let them crush me . i don't believe in love nor trust guys . but then , when i met syahdirwan , i was REALLY afraid to fall in love again . because of my past . but he seems different . he don't sweet talk . and its hard to find guys like him . cause in fb , quite a number of guys asked me for numbers , intro whatever shit then i lazy to entertain . i thought i will never fall for anyone anymore since the last ex i've got . yet , Muhammad Syahdirwan Bin Jumari proved me wrong  he is the one , who cheered me up , spend so much time with , share personal things . hey baby , remember me ? remember when you were contacting with nadya ? you told me about your past didn't you ? and i was there when you were at your lowest . remember ? :/ we used to be friends -> best friends -> like father like daughter -> something more than that and now , he is part of my life since 1st May 2011 and i hope that we can last long . and i hope he's not like zam . i know , he's different . but you might not know things might happen , people change . right ? :/ baby lets be like how we used to be before can we ? last time , i dont have to wait for text or anything . you'll always start a topic and i really miss all that . i miss you now and from the bottom of my heart , i really do love you so damn much . even though i may be sarcastic , mean , whatever at times , i will always love you , yes i will . trust me , i love you more than anyone loves you or loved you or will ever love you . seriously , i've NEVER loved anyone as much as i love syahdirwan . and i tell you what , i will treasure him unlike his ex or whoever shit those girls who've made him fall and broke into pieces . i wont break his heart . i wont be like any of my ex nor his . cause i know how it really feels when you really love someone but that someone keep hurting you , taking care of their own feelings . i know and if i make him sad before , i'll try my best not to , from now on . cause , i love you and whatever hurts him , hurts me too . alright thats all , goodnight . wish you goodluck baby fr your N lvl oral . love ya ♥ 

You know , faking a smile is so damn easy :/

Hi . this is uhmmmmmmm me ? :D hhehehe . idk ah so random hor take photo LOLOLOL . actually idk what's my mood right now . so many things is happen and im still confused . you know i'd rather feel sad melancholy , sorrowful , downtrodden , depressed , unhappy , gloomy , feeling a bit blue , down in the dumps , mournful , having a heavy heart , cheerless , joyless , woebegone , desolate , doleful , in low spirits , rueful , lamentable , tearful , crushed , dark , somber , pathetic , grieving , wretched than letting others feel that way . i keep things to myself , bottle up my feelings and when i cant take it anymore , i'll show my fucked up attitude to everyone around me . haiyah ~ actually idk what to do now . cause like ........... idk ah :/ very the speechless . i dont even know what to type . and im so so sad . and that's that . although my mood change very fast , i still feel something is just not right . it seems like i suck for life . i suck for everything . im like fucked up idk whether im angry or sad or happy or whatever shit I DON'T KNOW OH AM GEE CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT ?! -.-" haish .. i guess im just so down . i feel like making myself vanish from everyone . im like no longer a happy girl anymore since i stepped into fuchun sec . like knnccb i hate fuchun . -_______- a lot of things have been changing as well as myself . and i dislike that . idk ah im like down yet i have th mood to eat . i need someone to talk to actually like seriously like yaaaaaaaaaa . probably a girl , not a boy ok bye lah bye haishh ~ :/ 

Love is sacrifice ♥

Baby , if you think im cheating on you like some of your ex did or i dont have feelings for you then i've got nothing to say . srsly , i've never had this strong feelings for any of my ex before . its like , a first love , my one and only true love . wasn't it written all over my face ? you know i dont say sweet things frequently well its because i dont want people to think im a sweetalker or whatever . just that , this is how i feel right now . i dont know how to explain to you how much i really do love you . i dont know how to make you believe anymore that i love you so damn much . i miss you a lot yeah really . additionally , i wish thr is someone who can help me to make you believe that my love for you is faithful . but its okay , this is life . i have to face it anyway . so here i am , wondering what am i suppose to do to make you believe . you know sometimes i show you my fucked up attitude but behind all that , you don't know actually i do regret and hurt myself . and i really dont like it when you talk abt my past . you should know why yesterday i acted that way . actually this morning when i just wake up from sleep as you texted me at 4++am which is when i fell asleep so i read your msg saying , " no , thr's no tmr , no later , bye " ouch . :/ and i thought you would at least bother to text me but as i log in to fb , the first thing i go to is your prof , duh . oh and wow , marvelous , you're having so much fun with your neighbour . i dont mind actually , but is it that hard to leave me a msg that you're alr awake ? i did piss you off the day before this thing happened but at least do you even care to text and ask what im doing and so on ? you were so happy when you're wall-to-wall with your neighbour . then , i cant take it anymore i posted , " the feelings when you don't even know what you're suppose to do and what you're actually feeling right now . -_____- urghh " & " im better off alone anyway " . oh then , you gave a fuck to call me . hey , actually i was waiting . i saw you wall-to-wall with your neighbour alas , idw to spoil th convo and also , i want to see if you will give a fuck actually about me . then as i ans th phone i kept quiet . why ? cause i hv no idea what to say . why ? cause you're always sad when you're with me , yet so happy when you're with your neighbour -that's from what i see- so you hang up th phone . oh how wonderful is that ? i actually had something to say , i wanted to ask you out but you hang up liddat so yeah , what am i suppose to do ? call back ? LOL ? so i went out with rachel . then when i reach waterfront , i called you , you asked me whr i was , i answered and you say i didn't even ask you to tag along with us . why didnt i ? because you were sooooo happy with your neighbour , you hang up the phone just like that , tell me when will i get the chance to speak , like srsly ? we've been tgt for 2 months and a lot of things happened alr . why ? i guess i just suck at love , right ? i will always show attitude for no reason right ? i've changed , right ? you know baby , despite all this , i really do love you . well if i dont , think back , why do i do things for you ? why do i cry for no reason ? why do i even bother to send you food right infront of your door step when you were starving even when my friends were at my house ? why do i have the time to go to the chalet instead of spending my time with my used to be bestfriends ? why must i lie to sheetal on that day , just for the sake of spending my time with you ? why do i even accompany you when you want to get something to eat somewhr even though its at night , with my sch attire on ? if i dont love you , i wouldn't be waiting for you at the library and lied to my friends just for the sake of seeing you . can't you see all this ? isn't it clear enough ? idk laah its up to you wanna believe or not . but seriously , i really do love you a lot . and i dont wanna lose you . baby , please tell me that you'll stay :'/ ilyvm bye ♥

It's all about him him him him him ♥

halu haluuuuuuuuuuu :D eh its weird y'knw ! just now i went out alone go fr a walk then when i return back home , my dad asked " hiii . your guyfriend not coming today ? " then im like .... hahah he's tired laa >.< hehehe . eh see over thr hor , that picha hor , i hor , miss him so the much hor . today never meet him hor . we somehow argue hor . i zo zad hor ): i miss him hor . you know what ? i may not be a perfect girl who has looks , has body figure , money or any other girls have . what other girls dont have is that , no one can ever love you as much as i do and how i treasure him ♥ i love him so fucking much ttmttc . meet up asap . i wan hug him badlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah >.< plus , kiss and bite nyehehe xP i love you baby HAHAHAHAHAHAA :D ♥ ok bye <: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ^-^ he's soooo cute :3 hahahahahahaha k bye xD